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Monday, September 01, 2008

Chris' Birthday - August 31st

The hubby had to work noon to 9 at Home Depot yesterday. I hate those hours. I met him in Portsmouth for an early dinner on his lunch break. I drove our Jeep down there via Route 1. Because of the big tires on it, it doesn't do highway speeds well. I love driving that Jeep!

Lunch was good - Wendy's spicy chix sandwich for me, Baconator for him. He had driven my car to work, so we switched cars. He knew I had someplace to go that was highway driving.

I got to the cemetery in Dover, NH at a little after 5pm. I'd gone to Rite Aid earlier to get a new flag to replace the one on Chris' grave, which I had a feeling wouldn't be there and it wasn't. I attached a pin with his photo from USMC boot camp graduation to the flag and laid a 3rd Marine Division pin on the headstone.

I cleared some weeds from around the bronze plaque in the ground and noticed something missing. One of Chris' friends had put a guitar pick at the top of the plaque, but it was gone. I rooted around in the grass along the edges and found it, then gently put it back in place.

I wish him a happy birthday. He would have been 42 this year. I cried a little, touched the plaque, then left, driving the back roads home.

Chris, the hubby, called at around 6:30 to make sure I was okay. I was. I'd been watching the movie "No Reservations" with Catherine Zeta Jones. It's about a chef who has to care for her niece when her sister is killed in a car accident. Aaron Eckhart (I hope I got his name right) is brought into the restaurant to help her out while she copes with suddenly having a young child in her home. And he steals her heart. I was doing fine until towards the end of the movie when the niece disappears and they find her at the cemetery crying. She asked, "What did I do to make mommy go away?"

That did it for me. I began bawling. Memories came back of the night my late husband died, the anger, the sadness, the wondering of why, why, why? I texted Chris that I was having a bad night. I hate being alone in this house at night.

Chris came home to find me sitting on the kitchen floor, my earbuds in, listening to Keith Urban on my ipod Touch and still crying. He folded me into his arms and held me close and let me talk and cry my eyes out.

God, I love this man so much. I sometimes feel guilty because I do love him so much, but then I remember how happy he makes me and how well he takes care of me. And life is just way too short to be alone.

I'm still a little teary today, but better. I think I needed that good cry. I tend to hold things in and it's not healthy.

No Labor Day holiday for me today. Back to work doing WHOA stuff, trying to get things up on eBay (finally), paying bills and fixing Chris' laptop.

Maybe I'll go to the beach this afternoon when low tide comes back in.

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